I'm so fucking centered right now
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
