I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
