so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
