drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize