I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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