i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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