I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
