i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
