Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Randomize
