I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
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If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
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There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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