I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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