dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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