Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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