Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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