Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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