i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
