Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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