i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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