Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask