So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
