and she was petting her beer can
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I can feel your judgement through the phone