conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..