we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i only shaved half my leg
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
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I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
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I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????