She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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