wat bout pragnant strippers??
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
