Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
