Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
