M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
