A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
