I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
