I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
