are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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