You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
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Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
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We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
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