Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
