The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
