I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
