Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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