tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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