I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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