On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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