my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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