A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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