Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
