he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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