you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
