I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
