I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
