My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
