Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
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the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
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Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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