Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
