Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
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