i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
