jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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