I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
