There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize