Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
