hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
you had me at cake vodka
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Dicks are not precious.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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