I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
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