can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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