I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
