I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
