I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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