Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Randomize
