Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
