I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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