Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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