I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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