You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
