Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
