yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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