My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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