I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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