Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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