Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
