I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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