Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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