I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
