I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
