it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
