Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
