Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
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On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
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I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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