yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Of course I have a pirate flag
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
