I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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