I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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