Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
