i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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