Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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